Whip Our Recesion Most Swiftly
Since debasing the currency is clearly of no concern to the current administration, let's go ahead and turn this economy around tomorrow. Two quick steps would put people back in the stores immediately and spur spending like this world has never seen.
Step one - add three zeroes to the balance of every non-commercial bank or savings and loan account in the country. Immediately the housing market rockets to levels never before imagined, and it will be all but impossible to keep merchandise on the shelves.
Step two - send a book of blank Stimulus Checks to every American to be used as they wish. Be sure to include all those non-traditional citizens on the mailing list. Economic stimulus is too important to our survival to discriminate against someone whose only shortcoming is having entered the country illegally and remained here without proper authorization. Not everyone has the luxury of a bank account, and it is important that everyone be able to do their part to drag us away from the abyss! The checks can be written in any amount for any purchase, and the government will honor the transaction.
Lest the business world feel left out, they can agree to a temporary three month period of paying twenty percent of all gross revenues as a special windfall economic stimulus contribution. Foreign bondholders can be paid off and the United States will once again be the dominant economic powerhouse on the planet.
No doubt there are some anti-success economists out there who will wail about inflation and other evils and pitfalls inherent in the plan. They need to get with the program. An era of Change has dawned upon the world, and the old rules simply don't apply any more.
Hail to the Thief . . . er, Chief!
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