Letter To The President

Written July 13, 2009, in the mailbox July 14.

July 13, 2009


The President of the United States of America
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20500


Professor,

I address you in this manner not to detract from your accomplishment in attaining the office you currently hold but rather because I am appealing to your oft self-proclaimed expertise as a Constitutional Law Professor.

It has been with great fascination that I have regarded the exploits of your administration for the past six months. Admittedly it is the fascination one feels when succumbing to the compulsion to examine the gore and twisted wreckage of a freeway accident, but it has been fascination all the same.

I do not pretend to lay claim to the title of Professor, or even Senior Lecturer, when it comes to matters of Constitutional law. I am, however, a literate man capable of conducting research and assimilating the information encountered. Try as I might though, I cannot find the Constitutional basis for many of the powers you have claimed for yourself and exercised.

There is no authority to terminate the employment of an officer of a private sector corporation. Yet you have exercised this authority.

There is no authority to decree the compensation structure of private sector corporations. You have done so without seeming compunction.

There is no authority to place inferior creditors before superior creditors in a bankruptcy proceeding, or reward them at a higher rate of return and disproportionate to their investment. You didn’t seem to mind though when you did these things in the cases of General Motors and Chrysler.

Don’t forget the ever growing list of extra-Constitutionally appointed czars, accountable to no one and nothing save you and your private whim

The list could easily extend at great length, but I will accept as given that you must certainly comprehend the point. Declaring a manufactured emergency and doing as you in your sole judgment deem appropriate or expedient without regard to the laws and guiding framework of this nation is not acceptable.

The Constitution does lay out a very limited and closely defined set of powers the Presidency is endowed with. The tenth Amendment reads “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” There is not a lot of ambiguity there. If a power or right is not specifically granted to the federal government, or specifically prohibited to the People, then the government is obliged to keep its grubby little mitts off.

Now, I lack your Harvard Law education, and I cannot seem to locate my secret decoder ring anywhere. So I ask you, please provide an explanation that offers Constitutional justification for the specific actions cited above and numerous similar ones you have taken. Ideally your arguments will be based in fact, and not rely upon words such as “ACORN”, “Progressive”, or “because” to justify your position.


Respectfully,




Jacob D. Vreeland, Jr
Bunker Hill, West Virginia

James W. von Brunn

James W. von Brunn is the sort of individual who gives Radical Right-Wing Extremist Nut Jobs a bad name. I'm going to submit a motion that he be excluded from all future meetings.

Even though he is already 88 years old, I can only hope he survives his gunshot wounds and lives an amazingly long, completely lucid, and miserably pain filled existence. Granted that much, conviction would only be a pleasant bonus.

W.O.R.M.S.

Whip Our Recesion Most Swiftly

Since debasing the currency is clearly of no concern to the current administration, let's go ahead and turn this economy around tomorrow. Two quick steps would put people back in the stores immediately and spur spending like this world has never seen.

Step one - add three zeroes to the balance of every non-commercial bank or savings and loan account in the country. Immediately the housing market rockets to levels never before imagined, and it will be all but impossible to keep merchandise on the shelves.

Step two - send a book of blank Stimulus Checks to every American to be used as they wish. Be sure to include all those non-traditional citizens on the mailing list. Economic stimulus is too important to our survival to discriminate against someone whose only shortcoming is having entered the country illegally and remained here without proper authorization. Not everyone has the luxury of a bank account, and it is important that everyone be able to do their part to drag us away from the abyss! The checks can be written in any amount for any purchase, and the government will honor the transaction.

Lest the business world feel left out, they can agree to a temporary three month period of paying twenty percent of all gross revenues as a special windfall economic stimulus contribution. Foreign bondholders can be paid off and the United States will once again be the dominant economic powerhouse on the planet.

No doubt there are some anti-success economists out there who will wail about inflation and other evils and pitfalls inherent in the plan. They need to get with the program. An era of Change has dawned upon the world, and the old rules simply don't apply any more.

Hail to the Thief . . . er, Chief!

What's the Secret?

There are many "Secret" sites out there, such as PostSecret and SecretTweet just to name two.

What is most interesting about reading these sites is coming to the realization that no matter how "unique" one's personal drama that "no one else has ever experienced or could possibly understand" is, many others are going through exactly the same thing.

Does that diminish or further humanize our pains?

It's What's for Dinner

No, not beef.

The other white meat.

Pork.

Yeah, that's right, I eat pork and continue to do so. Pork spare ribs last night. Pork sausage with breakfast. Pork loin tonight. (Happenstance, not planning or political statement!)

Just because the rest of the planet wants to panic over the fact that "swine" shows up in the name of the flu strain that's out there doesn't mean I have to play. News reports indicate that avian and human flu strain genetic markers are also present. Has anyone checked to make sure that people who have contracted the bug and recovered don't have a sudden compulsion to engage in acts of bestiality?

No? I didn't think so.

Tell the media where they can stick their global panic. Exercise common sense hygiene practices - the same ones you should be exercising without thought even on days we are not all DOOMED TO EXTINCTION BY THE (CATASTROPHE DU JOUR) PANDEMIC!!!

Now, go out there and think for yourself.

Here kitty, kitty, kitty . . . ..