The headline writers at BBC online did their job well. As a typical male human being, how could I possibly consider passing up a story that promises breasts?
It seems that poor support can lead to "fragile ligaments" in the breasts being stretched, no doubt leading inevitably to the dreaded sag. The article goes on to report that during exercise the breasts can move over eight and a quarter inches - up and down, in and out, side to side - and that most bras only handle the vertical movement. Makes one want to seriously reconsider the wisdom of not taking full advantage of that gym membership.
Apparently, women are collectively a bunch of fools who won't consider a bra that doesn't match up with preconceived notions about what the "right" kind of bra should look like. The thing doesn't like like the sports bra they've been told about all their lives? Then it clearly can't be one. Next! The story also claims that most women are so beholden to Project Runway that they will only wear bras for everyday use that are too big or too small in order to appear to have some mythical "proper size" equipment depending from their chests. And to top it all off, the Women's Collective is also apparently too stupid to realize that over time such things as pregnancy (and the subsequent breast feeding), weight gain and loss, and menopause change the size of the breasts and requires a corresponding adjustment in bra size.
Now, I'm just a male, afflicted with the biological imperative to appreciate all the entertaining possibilities a pair of soft squishies has to offer. That same biological imperative also diverts blood flow from critical organs - such as the brain - making it difficult at best to give due consideration to the learned study reported in this article.
However, I do have a few thoughts on the subject.
First, I'm going to go way out on a limb here and make the wild guess that breasts were invented months if not entire years or perhaps even decades before the whole bra concept came along. Back in the day, I'm guessing early human females actually ran around without any supportive structures whatsoever. It would seem that somehow we managed to not just survive but actually thrive as a species - with the whole breast thing not only intact but flourishing.
Second, I'll grant that there probably is some well intentioned and even serious science behind this research. That the research was likely conceived by a bunch of mid- to late-twenties men who are unquestionably brilliant and well endowed (financially) by their universities yet incapable of getting a date outside the red light district is no doubt purely coincidental. The results of the research however have more likely been co-opted by those who sell bras to further their own personal aims of financial success.
The only lifting and separating going on here will be my wallet from my pocket and my money from my wallet. No doubt my wife is going to require 57 different types of bra (multiple copies of each), much as she needs 157 different pairs of shoes. All these different bras will need a place to live while not being worn, hence the need to purchase a brand new dresser dedicated to lingerie storage. The new dresser will need a place in the bedroom - she's unlikely to agree to getting into the lacy underthings while standing in the middle of the living room - so in order to have a larger bedroom I'll need to acquire a larger home as well.
It's a cleverly disguised financial stimulus package on a scale that absolutely dwarfs anything congress could imagine even on a good day.
My how far we've come since the advent of the simple "over the shoulder boulder holder".
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